I am the Darkness, it Sleeps in your Mind, the Shadows that Haunt you at Night...

All my life all I've wanted was a friend.

All I've wanted was someone to talk to.

Someone who would listen to my vent and then hold me while I cry.

I found the best friend in my entire world.

And everyone wants to take it from me.

I found a tiny shred of happiness in my nightmare life.

And everyone wants a piece of it.

Everyone wants to rip it out of me.

 

Just for once, I would like to have someone for me.

Someone who would dedicate some of there time for me.

Just me.

 

Someone I didn't have to fight to get the attention of.

Someone who would be happy for me when I'm happy.

Someone who wont fuck me over and hurt me.

Someone who cares about me and doesn't make it a game.

Someone who won't use me and throw me aside.

Someone who trusts me and will listen.

Someone who will talk to me about anything.

Someone who will hold me until I fall asleep and then hug me when I wake up.

Someone who will walk with me every step of the way along the beautiful journey of life...

 

One day I will find it.

And I wont ever let it go.

Oh things will try to take it away...

They always do...

But the next time it comes no mofo will ever take it again.

I will be happy.

And noone will ruin it next time I find it.

 

Yes, in case you're wondering... I'm depressed.

 

But then... How to you expect me to feel?

Let me tell you a story.

A chronological series of events that fucked with my head so much all I want to do is sleep.

 

1. My father died. Commited suicide.

 

Any more questions?

 

No wait... There is actually more...

 

2. I didn't have the money to feed myself.

           Thankfully the Universe sent me an angel who saved my life...

 

Now all of my wordly possessions - with the exception of three green enviro bags and a box - are in storage...

 

3. Someone fucked me over. Used me and threw me aside without any respect or consideration for me at all.

 

This person said they were my friend. Said they were my best friend. And I believed them.

And they proved it when they treated me like a piece of shit on their shoe.

Picked me up and threw me aside.

Ignored me in my time(s) of need.

Put me lower than I thought was possible... When I thought I'd already hit rock bottom.

Ripped out my heart and broke my spirit.

Buried me when I was lying in the dirt.

This person hurt me so badly... Just like everyone before that...

Every other firned I've ever had did this all to me.

And I thought you were different.

I was so wrong.

And you don't even have the decency to try and talk to me.

Do you?

No messages... No emails... Nothing.

And yet... Someone you know because I introduced you.

Knowing full well that you would both get along great.

They become more important to you than you ever said I was.

And even though you were considered my closest friend...

You don't care about me anymore.

Not one bit.

I've been thrown to the side like the grisly and rotting ragdoll that everybody else treats me like.

And you know what sucks even more??

No one seems to care.

 

Story of my life.

 

4. My TAFE that I so desperately need to finish?

     Five assesments. Due next week.

     No one is helping me.

     And I have been asking for help for three weeks man.

     Not one mofo here wants to help me...

 

Not one mofo here wants to see me shine. Wants to help me better my life.

 

Everyone thinks I'm so wonderful...

 

How wonderful will it be when you walk into my back shed and find me hanging from the roof?

 

Just like my Dad?

 

How wonderful and beautiful will I be when I finally give in to the urges...

 

When I pick up the razor blade again after 16 months of being strong enough to say no.

 

How amazing will I be when I disappear completely and you all wonder where I am?

 

If those things scare you now... Imagine them when they come true.

 

Now does anyone want to reach out and take my hand that has been desperately clutching onto the few things in my life worth sticking around for?

 

Does anyone have the strength and love for me to save my life?

 

Or do you all want to feel the regret my family feel...

 

The guilt because we couldn't save him.

 

You wanna feel it to?

 

Everyone can see I'm a wreck... But no one cares enough to try and help...

 

Everyone can see I'm on the edge and about to fall...

 

But no one is there to pull me back...

 

I just pray to who ever is watching out for me that there is someone at the bottom to catch me.

 

You all think I'm so cool.

 

Then come and fucking save me.